I am writing this blog post from home today, but I’m not supposed to be here. I’m supposed to be in San Diego attending a national conference with my church family, but I’m experiencing a digestive flare and I wasn’t able to travel. When things like this happen it rocks me a bit. Here I am, a health coach and a minister of the word of God, unable to rise above the circumstances I’ve been dealt and just get it done. But life’s like that sometimes, and we can’t deny who we are made to be simply because we’re suffering through something. Suffering is something we go through; it doesn’t identify us. It may mark us, but we don’t have to allow it to steal our destiny.
It’s times like this that my worst enemy comes out to mock me. It’s that thought that asks, “Who do you think you are? How is it that a health coach who teaches others can’t find a way to make themselves better? You must not be very good at your job.” Wow. It sounds convincing, right? But I’ve learned to fight back.
The circumstances I am experiencing don’t have to dictate where I am going or where I will wind up. I actually don’t have to listen to the voice at all because my success as a coach and motivator has nothing to do with whether I can fix myself or not. My success depends on carrying out the mission I’ve been given — to help others find breakthrough and victory in their lives when it comes to finances, health, relationships, and life issues. My illness doesn’t mean I cannot help others. I’m in process. And my process has been quite the success even if I’m not completely healed today.
While complete healing hasn’t happened for me just yet, I’m better than I would be had I not cleaned up my diet, worked on stress management, added supplements to my routine and educated myself on how my digestion, hormones and neurotransmitters really work. I’m better. And that’s what brings hope right into the middle of the waiting.
I’m a woman of faith. I’m believing God for my complete healing. And soon. But in the mean time, while I wait and contemplate the fact that it hasn’t happened just yet, I must admit that something is happening. I’m learning to be fully present. I’m learning to trust at deeper levels. I’m learning to accept help on days when I don’t feel well. And other days, too. I’m learning how to avoid the chronic illnesses of my parents and their parents. I’m building kids with robust energy, digestion and immune systems. During this waiting I’m really accomplishing a lot.
I’ve realized that in this waiting I may miss out on a few things, but there are other things I’m getting to see and feel and understand simply because of the journey towards healing that I am on. I’ve found that to embrace the process, the people, and the small victories keeps me hopeful and energized to keep going towards total healing. I know that what I am finding along the way will help others to get to breakthrough and victory in their own lives. And that faith is the absolute best motivator for me. I’m so thankful for it.